I tried my hand at tournament chess one time in the mid 80s. I entered a five round swiss. In my first game my opponent made his first move, then went and had breakfast. When he came back, he kicked me quite hard several times under the table during the course of the game. I didn’t finish the tournement and gave up my attempt at serious chess. I just recently started playing club play and joined uscf and am looking forward to a tournament. (Also, I’m not the same person I was - God help the person who assaults me!)
I have some folks I’d like to pair you against! 
I’ve never played a quick rated tourney, and no one’s ever gotten up during a blitz game (usually G/10) against me. But it’s very common in slow games.
I actually got my biggest upset win ever because of a kid doing that in a slow game. It was one of my first tournaments, and I’m an adult player who tends to play fairly slowly. I was paired against a kid around 10-11 years old at the time who was rated more than 500 points above me at the time (1770 vs 1250, IIRC). I played awful in the opening, and he got a large positional edge. I was taking my usual 1-3 minutes per move, so I guess he got bored and started wandering around the room watching everyone else’s games while waiting for me to move.
In the early middle game, he attacked two of my pawns and I realized I couldn’t protect both. But I found a way to protect one directly and the other one was pretty obviously poisoned - he couldn’t take it without giving me a mating attack. Figuring that was the only way to protect both, I went for that move. It’s not like I was intentionally setting a trap hoping he would take the poisoned pawn - I just didn’t see any other way to avoid losing a pawn. But he saw me move from across the room, came back to our board, saw the “free” pawn, and took it immediately, without even sitting down or writing down my move first. About 2 seconds later, I saw the shock on his face as he realized his mistake, but he quickly switched to poker face mode in the hopes that I wouldn’t notice. Smart kid.
I sat there for about 10 minutes making absolutely sure that my attack would work before sacrificing more material to begin the attack. At this point, the kid sat down and started paying attention to our game. The weird part was that it only took me about 2 minutes to calculate out that the attack worked against the obvious defense, but there was one really good, hard to find defensive move that I thought killed my attack, so I almost didn’t go for the attack. Then I finally found a really good, subtle move to win his queen even if he defended that way. So, proud of myself for finding that move, and finally satisfied that I would win even against best defense, I finally played the sacrifice. He played the most obvious, easily beatable defense. We played the next few moves in a matter of seconds, and I won.
That’s still the single most memorable game of chess I’ve ever played, as well as being my biggest upset ever in a slow tourney game. It was probably a pretty memorable lesson for the kid, too. I still remember getting paired against him again a month later at another tourney. He sat down and told me, “I’ve been looking forward to this”. I knew I was in trouble. 
I haven’t played him since, and it’s been a few years, so I can honestly say that I have a 50% record against a teenager who is currently a master. 
Roaming the hall is not considered rude in any shape manner or form. At the LBO last month one GM in particular was always up and about. You see it at the very top levels as well. Go to chessbase.com and you’ll see pics of GMs walking around looking at other games.
I am an incurable walk-abouter, rising after every 1-2 moves (except in the opening or when in time trouble). I’ve rarely met opponents who spend less time at the board than I do.
I think players who always “j’adoube” the last piece I move are being rude. Some day I’m gonna say something.
Capablanca used to say it was a waste of time and energy to agonize over the board while your opponent was thinking.
They just have a fetish, that’s all. A piece can’t possibly be properly placed unless they were the one to place it. Just let it go.
But what about the player who always j’adoubes his own piece after he moves it, and after he has pressed the clock?
Bill Smythe
He only gets to do that 3 times:
ONCE, when I let it go
TWICE, when I politely ask him to stop
THRICE, when I find a TD to ask him to stop (politeness optional)
How about handling this by saying ‘j’adoube’ and then placing the piece where they probably hadn’t intended it to go? After all if it’s on two squares, who’s to say where it was intended? Then when they think you’re frustrated, when you’re not really, they might play carelessly.
To me, I would play my move the minute the guy left, and let him know by a good clock punch. In the battle of wills, I soon had a large time advantage, and in the end beat him. He was rated over 200 points higher, and I could actualy feel him dread facing me. You just need to turn his game around on him and benefit you.
I disagree. Cell phones are a nuisance and in my opinion the game should be forfeited whenever one goes off. As it stands, the current sanctions are not strict enough If someone is too stupid or too rude to turn off his cell phone, he deserves the zero. And if it’s someone’s parent, then their small fry should pay the price.
No, we do not need to regulate every moment of a player’s time. But that isn’t the issue here. It’s not time that is at stake; it’s respecting the game and your opponent.
People with cell phones turned “on” do neither. Nor, for that matter, do players who leave the “beep on move” option on. If these clowns can’t figure out how to set their digital clocks, let them get an analog one. It’s annoying, it’s rude; and it again shows a total disregard for others.
What’s more, often this has to be brought to a TD’s attention…even when he is in the same room!
I agree about cell phones. They frequently go off even in large-ish tournaments and rarely have I seen anything ever done about it. I always switch mine off before the round starts. The only exception is at my local club where I keep it on vibrate in case something comes up at work (it’s not audible if it vibrates and I think it’s only ever rung twice; both times I went outside the building to take the call).
I disagree about the beep on move with digital clocks. Ideally, yes, it would be nice if they didn’t beep (I’m thinking specifically of the Chronos, though it’s easy enough to switch off the beeping) but there’s no way the clocks make any more noise than an analogue clock. In fact, I’m sure it’s significantly less noise, especially when you factor in the tick-tocking! Somebody pressing the plunger on an analogue clock surely makes no more noise than somebody lightly touching a Chronos Touch that then beeps?
But what about those old-fashioned purists like me, who LOVE the tick-tocking of all those analog clocks…
It’s the sweetest sound in the world! 
Something like “TICK TICK TICK TICK ticka ticka ticka ticka TICK TICK TICK TICK” as different clocks get in sync and out of synch with each other in a regular cycle? 
YES, YES! It’s music to my ears.
I agree with you about the phones. I’ve seen players who week in and week out leave their phone on, it rings, they get penalized 10 minutes then they turn it off. People like that should be forfeited.
I don’t mind the beep on a Chronos because it’s low, and really no noisier then the buttons on an analog clock. I detest the beeps on the blue Saitek clock. They’re loud and obnoxious, but so simple to turn off. Then again I don’t like anything about that clock. Don’t get me started.
Some Chronos models (older ones, at least) have an extremely loud, annoying beep-on-move. Still others have a much quieter beep, or an adjustable one.
Bill Smythe
Cell phone use is pretty strictly prohibited around here. It’s only a time penalty on the first offense and forfeit on the second, but most of the TD’s remind everyone right before the rounds start. Generally, it’s the parents of kids who are playing who forget to turn them off, not the players themselves.
The most distracting thing ever happening to me in a Tournament was a lady eating grapes, she would suck the grape out of the skin, spit the seeds and skin into her hand, put the seeds and skins on a napkin, and touch the pieces, and punch the clock after licking her fingers. The set and clock was mine. I hating saying anything to the TD, because the poor Lady acted as if she were starving.
That was back in the early 70’s, and I was rated about 1500. I think I could almost except the random ring of a cell phone, as opposed to some’s eating and drinking habits. Just my take on it
Editorial note: Parenthesis correct possibly objectionable language.
As a person who was a Local TD and is seeking renewal I can tell you why this is. The standard practice among TD’s is the first time that your cell phone goes off you are penalized 10 minutes. The second time it goes off you are subject to a forfeit loss. Of course, your opponent has to claim them. This opens the argument why twice? Someone may just be forgetful about the phone. They may have turned it off and forgot to save the change in the sound settings so it didn’t register. These are just a couple of reasons I can think of (both which happened to me in a non-tournament setting where I was asked to turn off my cell). This is standard TD practice at many tournaments.
I disagree with you on parents. Parents are spectators and are subject to being asked to leave the room or thrown out by the TD. However, to blame a player for a spector’s phone is not fair unless the TD notes this occurs regularly which may be a way to give their child an advantage. For all we know, it could be a doctor’s office, family, or some other emergency. Yes, I tend to give the spectator the benefit of the doubt.
I realize this may not answer the debate or questions but I hope it does clear it up some. Every player will have their own view on this rule but as a person who is both a player and a TD, I can say I find it more than fair.
I wouldn’t worry about the opponent getting up. Even if he is otherwise behaving rudely - such as Polly described or the eye-rolling kids - there’s not much you can do about it as long as it isn’t overtly distracting behavior, so the best thing to do about it is learn to concentrate on the board and ignore the opponent altogether.
Cell phones are a different issue. For most bigger events they are banned, as they should be. Not that many people would use them to cheat, but some would, unfortunately. Also, if they ring (or for most, even vibrate) in the playing hall it is a distraction to everyone.
If you can’t be away from the doggone cell phone for long enough to play a tournament game, play online and chat your head off!