Overheard at the Philadelphia International earlier today:
“I haven’t done well on drugs in tournaments.” - name redacted
The idea of chess quotes is a good one. TD John Sherpinkus (sp) used to have a wall of shame at national events with may such quotes ( I miss this a lot–John has retired from the National chess scene). Perhaps it is time to start collecting these and publishing them on-line? They are fun!
At a Jr club tourney in Pgh in the 60s I heard a kid tell his dad that his opp who beat him had a rating of 1498 but had played as if he were 1500.
See what I mean! I like this.
Tim J is familiar with this story…
We had a local expert who was from “the old country” and who played very infrequently…
In the last round of a tournament circa 1977, playing for a top prize, on move 40 (the time control), he paused with his finger on the button of the clock, contemplating a forced mate in two against a fellow expert, as his flag fell, making a barely audible “click”.
Upon seeing the fallen flag he uttered in a wonderful accent “Well, I guess I should have moved a LITTLE faster.”
Story told to me by Bill Byland many years ago. While not a quote per se it’s a pretty good punchline.
E. Forry Laucks was a well-known chess benefactor back when who started the Log Cabin Chess group. Laucks was quite wealthy and supported chess players very generously.
But he was a bit eccentric. Bill Byland told me that Laucks had invited him and others to spend a weekend at his estate. In the middle of the night Byland got up and wandered into the large kitchen, opened the fridge looking for a snack and saw an empty fridge except for one hard-boiled egg. Attached to the egg was a message stating: “reserved for E.Forry Laucks.”
From the 1970 Greater New York H.S. championship:
Robert Gruchacz had just lost an ultra-miniature from the black side of the Pirc to Peter Winston. The ever-gracious winner entered on his score sheet: “Gruchacz the pr*ck resigns.”
David Affeld, Strong Junior, Bakersfield, Early 70s: “I was killing him until he mated me.”
Plaintive wail heard above the hush of a tournament room, “But I was winning!”
Master viewing class players botching an ending: “I’m losing rating points just watching this!”
Player: “I’m claiming ‘Insufficient Losing Chances!’”
Opponent: “It’s mate next move!”
(Player, Opponent and Tournament Classified)
Back in the day when adjudications were the norm the Td was looking for someone to adjudicate when the worst player in the club volunteered. The TD asked him why? The guy replied " I’ve has so many lost positions that I can spot one anywhere. "
My opponent during a G/15 event in the late 90s:
“You can’t en passant that!”
He was right. I was embarassed.
Here’s a good one I’d forgotten…
“Chow down!” - IA Carol Jarecki, calling a flag fall on FM Albert Chow
Talk about chutzpah! Back in the early 60’s as a teen visiting NYC I walked up the stairs for the first time to the Flea House. Approached by a house hustler he offered me rook odds for a buck a game. I won. Then it was knight odds I won. Then pawn odds I won. Then even I won. So I offered him knight odds he won. He looked me right in the eyes and loudly uttered " patzer ".
A bit of sage advice from Bill Manekas, my former club-mate.
(Paraphrasal): “Never pay attention to anything your losing opponent says within 10 minutes of the end of the game.”
To that wise advice I add, “even if they say ‘good game.’”
Best quote I heard all year was when an older class player was playing a master and in the dead quite he exclaimed (for all to hear), “This isn’t very fun you know”. Hilarious, this player tends to talk during his games anyway.
I liked the time at the St. Olaf Chess Camp a few years ago - two 11 year olds needed a clock, so I handed them a BHB analog special. They stared at it for a few moments, then looked at me and said “How do you set this thing?”
At the Route 20 Chess Club, there was a fellow named Gus Petrakis who dropped by from time to time and could always be depended on to say something entertaining. The one I remember best is when, in the middle of a game, he said sagely, “You know, chess is like a beautiful dance. And then you get stabbed through the heart.”
Way back in 1974, I was playing a skittles game in Brooklyn. My opponent suddenly said in the middle of the game “chess and life are like a s**t sandwich. You take another bite every day”. I proceeded to blunder the game away in the middle of my laughter.