Scholastic parents

I saw this today and thought of those scholastic parents that we TDs have to deal with all too often (thank you for all the rest of you–what 80-90 percent-- that we don’t have to deal with!):

From the Chicago Tribune: "Everybody’s children are so special. It makes you wonder where all the ordinary grown-ups come from—Maria (Samantha Morton) to William (Tim Robbins) in the movie Code 46

The worst chess parents are the ones who know nothing about chess. I’ve had to explain why the player with all the extra pieces only got a draw, why a 1st grader had to play a 5th grader, why “I don’t remember” isn’t as good as a scoresheet, why making a child change an illegal move isn’t “helping”, and that castling counts as one move.

:smiley:

If parents knew anything about chess would they subject their kids to it?

My son plays in tournaments but I don’t force him so he only plays when he wants to. I see no harm. I know what TDs have to put up with and told him some of the things parents have done. I don’t cause any problems for other TDs and won’t let my son.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you are having trouble with parents, are you doing something wrong or can you improve what you are doing? All school teachers have to go through this self-introspection when dealing with parents and kids. For the most part, problems are caused through lack of knowledge or misinterpretation. The sociopaths who are determined to get their kid a trophy at all cost are few.

Most of the chess parents I have dealt with are sweet, kind, helpful, and understanding. They help out in putting things away. They go out and bring back food for me when I do not have time because of TD duties. They listen when I go over rules and tiebreaks. Of course, I make sure to go out of my way to see that they are informed, comfortable, and happy. I have signs and information sheets. Being available, joking with them, telling them stories, etc. go along with being efficient as a TD by having up to date crosstables, pairings on time, and enforcing the rules. If you maintain good public relations, people give you some slack. As one of my mentors once said, “When the mommas are happy, everyone has a good time, whether they like it or not.” It is always a good thing to see how you can do things better.

I have seen it the other way. TD who is officious or ornery. Late pairings. Crosstables and team scores not up to date. TD not available or hiding in a back room by a computer. Not enough staff for the number of players. No signs. No information sheets. Ignoring parent comfort and convenience. Little care taken for player comfort and convenience. Sarcastic remarks to the players or parents. Don’t think a stray comment by you in private isn’t picked up by everybody. It is no wonder that problems pop up and parents start arguments.

Several points to play “devils advocate here”

  1. Ornery, Officious TD-- I am insistent, esp, at larger events that
    my floor TDs deal with issues correctly, efficiently, and quickly.
    We cannot let one issue with one player “bog” us down. Sometimes
    this comes across as Ornery and Officious. But, most often,
    this is a perception from someone demanding a lengthy explanation that there is not time to give.

  2. Hiding in back room-- Good large tournament management
    dictates that quality floor command TDs, and quality computer
    command TDs are available. Sometimes, BOTH are hard to find,
    for the tournament organizer. Which leads to Problem 3 lack of
    adequate staff.

  3. Lack of adequate staff–This most often occurs when tournaments
    lack sufficient budgets due to faulty EF structures. Quality does
    NOT come cheap, and tds willing to work for zip and pay their own
    expenses, are hard to find.

Rob Jones

I should have mentioned that the problem parents are a small minority. There are parents that seem to be impossible to please no matter how polite the TD is.

I remember a World Open (not a scholastic section) in which the father complained (an understatement) to the staff that his daughter’s ignorance that there was a second time control was our fault. We had signs posted all over including on the pairing sheets. There were verbal announcements before each round. It was in Chess Life and USCF website. It was on the CCA website. It was on the card that was mailed weeks before the event. Had we been asked, we would have readily volunteered the same information. The accused directors pointed this out to the father. Because the girl cried when her time forfeit claim was denied at the 2 hour mark, her father went ballistic against us. I was on the other playing level of the hotel and I could hear him shouting at another director. Perhaps his logic was: “If my daughter is crying then someone did something bad to her”.

@Harold

You think players read signs? Or the cards and rules sheets? They can’t be bothered with such details. It is so much easier to go to tournament control and ask when the next round starts. :slight_smile: Players and some parents are often oblivious, sometimes infantile in their dependency. Instead of sighing, or rolling my eyes, or blistering them with a remark like “Can’t you read?”, I just roll with it and tell them when the next round starts. Then I cheerfully point out the signs that they missed as a point of information and ask if they need any other help. Much less aggravation and a lot faster in the long run.

In the case of the irate parent with the crying child, I would work to throw the ball back into his court. Did he know what the time control is? Did he tell his child? Did he make sure she understood what the time contol meant? Did he set the clock or help her to set the clock? I would quietly let him know that he has some responsibility to see that his child is prepared to play, that both he and she have to know the rules and details. In effect, he has to be her caddy to a degree and then let her play. I would also tell him that all games played by children are learning experiences. Both of them have now learned an important lesson. I would also point out, even if he is still angry, that he is spoiling his child’s experience by being mad; that he is hurting her chances to excel with his angry attitude. This has to be done calmly in a matter of fact way. It may not always work, but it will just enough in most cases. Yeah, it takes time, but is time well spent and will be noticed by others. The true sociopaths will never take any personal responsibility. For those I would just ask if they would like to withdraw their child from the competition and I would offer to return her entry fee. If he is still recalcitrant, I would point out that I will not allow him to ruin the tournament experience for others, that he can take his child home. In the alternative, I could just sic some of my chess mothers on him. No guy likes to be surrounded by vicious harpies who will excoriate his behavior while at the same time comfort and explain things to his daughter.

@Rob

There are some TDs that do not understand that being a good TD also means playing a good public relations role, too. Most TDs are also organizers of their events. They have to realize that success in the future depends on what you do today to make the tournament experience as enjoyable as possible. Being abrupt or sarcastic with the players is bad for business. Being uncommunicative or disappearing to the safety of the computer room is bad for business. Not answering questions or explaining things because you are pressed for time means that the tournament has not been organized well enough. If I hire a TD, I expect him to be cheerful, to be in the tournament room as much as possible, and be open to inquiries. Ideally, I would like him to anticipate problems and solve them before they arise or at least make me aware of them so that I can solve them. What I do not want is a curmudgeon or someone who makes fun of the players or who hovers over games watching how people play for his own entertainment. He can be as efficient as all get out, but if the players and/or parents hate him, it makes the organizer’s job harder and kills your future profits.

If the sign is posted within arm’s length of me, I turn, look at the sign, and say, “Looks like round 3 is at 3pm.” I find this helps educate the user best. :slight_smile:

(Detailed process explanation cropped for space)

It’s not that I don’t agree with what you said in this paragraph. However, the larger the event, the less time you can spend on issues that can summarized as “user error”. Certainly, it is good to be polite while explaining the nature of said error. And accuracy is critical. But efficiency is probably more important when you are watching several hundred players (especially if it is a scholastic tournament, or if you are approaching a time control in an open event) than when you’re watching 10-20.

Oooohhh. Nice analogy.

@eastside

Boyd, as you know, there is a lot of “user error.” Over the years I have dealt with a lot of that and a few sociopaths in tournaments both big and small. I would rather sacrifice a little efficiency in the moment for greater efficiency on the whole. The sociopath needs to be dealt with immediately as he will not stop and extend his wrath across several rounds of the tournament with remarks to others, continuing arguments with the tournament staff, and generally miserable behavior. I will deal with him firmly, but in a quiet way, and note that there is a cutoff because of time, but I will deal with his issues, his behavior, and arguments later. Players notice. Parents notice. I would make sure to address his issues as soon as possible but with finality. Sometimes in a colorful way, but I try to resist that impulse.

When it is an adult player who is irate and a general pain, I might make sure to pair him with the toughest, and least fun opponent available per the ancient unwritten rules handed down by the gods of tournament direction. :smiley: This is why pairing cards and hand pairings are so much better than using Swiss-Sys or WinTD. Just kidding.

As far as “user error”, I would prefer not to be really sarcastic, but have some fun with it, too. People usually get embarrassed when they finally really “see” the signs with round times and time controls. Unfortunately, such “user error” shall always be with us as new generations appear to ask when the next round is going to take place. A bigger problem is the GM (rating from 101 to 2899) who asks or wants to look over your shoulder to find out who he/she is going to be paired with in the next round. :slight_smile:

It might be better if no one is quite sure whether or not you’re being sarcastic, or whether you’re really being totally serious.

Or maybe not.